Dispatches from HK: Cum Fun Day

Oh how I miss the joys of how the Chinese massacre English!  My friend Mark recently sent me a gem:

If I'm reading it correctly, this is a flyer for a "Love Together" event in DB - my old family-friendly neighborhood in Hong Kong.  In what is undoubtedly an event geared towards children (note the game booths and board games), you have to love that they're calling it a "Launch Ceremony Cum Fun Day".

It sounds like a pedophile's dream. 

People and Their Pets

I'm in no position to judge people for acting crazy with their pets.  My dog was a featured part of our wedding, after all.

However, I had to smile when I walked by an outdoor cafe today (on the UWS, for all you New Yorkers) and saw a woman eating by herself.  Except, no she wasn't.  There was a medium-sized bird cage with a small yellow bird inside sitting on the table.  Obviously it was her lunch companion.

Sorry, no picture - was walking back carrying groceries and didn't feel good about trying to snap a pic of this lady (even though many of you are undoubtedly scoffing or gagging at the thought of a bird on a table where one eats.)

And for all your DB-ers I find this way less offensive than the people letting their kids run wild on the ferry.  Discuss.

Dispatches from HK: Trend-setting Style

What are the things I remember most about Hong Kong - other than the extreme heat, disgusting manners and amazing hot pot? The lack of fashion sense.

My friend Mark shared a pic of an emerging trend that I have a feeling won't be making it outside of the 852:

No, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you.  S/he (a hot pink shirt does not indicate female in HK, unfortunately) is wearing an item of clothing on the bottom with one long pant and one short short.  The new skort?  Shants, perhaps?  I don't know what to call this foolishness other than the opposite of fashionable.

Beggars - A Comparison

If you've been a loyal reader of this blog, you probably remember my post on beggars in Hong Kong. If you're a local Hong Konger, you know how destitute the people begging on the streets are - most are missing limbs or burned on 80% of their bodies.

Then there are NYC beggars:

Begging for singles to take to the strip club... it gives a new definition to needy, doesn't it?

Dispatches from Hong Kong: Dirty Sanchez

Hello friend; it's been a while.

Since I've gotten a job and live in NYC, this title doesn't seem to fit all that well anymore.  But I love it too much to give it up, so am relying on friends from Hong Kong to send me all the good stuff I'm missing out on.  I'll share these via "Dispatches from Hong Kong" posts, like this one.

Gourmet Burger is one of a few burger chains in Hong Kong.  None of them can hold a candle to a real American burger, but it was a place I frequented when that hankering for red meat got to be too much.  Suffice it to say, I'm happy I don't have to rely on Gourmet Burger any more now that they're offering this new menu item.

If there's one thing I don't want the burger I'm eating associated with - it's probably a dirty Sanchez.

I'm having vague recollections of another local HK fast food chain -- Shake 'em Buns, which had similarly inappropriate and vomitous names.

Happy eating!

First World Country, Third World Subway

There are so many exciting things about being back in New York City - the endless choices of fresh food at Trader Joe's, seeing normal girls on the street who look like they've stepped out of Vogue, window shopping in NoLiTa, Central Park on a gorgeous sunny day.  I know I sound like a golden retriever, but there are many reasons to love New York.

And then there's the subway.

N/R line at 34th Street

It gives India's slums a run for their money

After using Hong Kong's pristine and timely MTR - where I could eat off and sleep on the ground, I feel like I'm in a slasher movie when I'm in the subway here.  In three short months I've already experienced the following:

• a group of teenagers eating after-school snacks (chips, granola bars, candy) on the train and brazenly throwing the empty wrappers on the floor of the subway car
• the smell of a homeless man on the train which has literally emptied the car (suddenly I remember the #1 rule of riding the NYC subway - an empty car is a bad - not a good, thing)
• getting followed up and down the platform by a strange man who is creepily smiling at me
• being absolutely terrified when I get off at my stop and see a teenager in a black ski mask pass me to get onto the train
• sitting in a dark tunnel between stations...for 5 minutes...with no announcements...knowing I'll now be late

This is all in addition to people begging you for money, no cell phone service and rats scurrying around on the tracks.  When summer rolls around, you can add sweltering heat and a foul smell to the mix.

The upside?  When the 3-piece mariachi band or 3-man barbershop quartet (triplet?) visit your car and their music is so peaceful you almost forget you're in Return of the Living Dead.

Math in Reverse

Let me start by confessing that math has never been my strong suit.  Apparently reacclimating to the US dollar is another thing I'm not so good at.

As an expat living in a foreign land, you learn to take the price of something and convert it into your home currency.  $1 USD = ~$8 HKD, so my brain got to the point where it would automatically divide everything by 8 to see what the actual value was.  Otherwise I'd be looking at an $8 bottle of Diet Coke or an $88 t-shirt from H&M and thinking "Jesus, that's expensive."  Now, if I was living in Sydney, that *would* be the actual value!

Anyway, the problem I'm facing now is that my brain is still doing it...and I'm back in America where things are listed in USD.  So, I got a check recently for $6,000 and immediately devalued it to around $1,500.  I was in J Crew looking at a $120 sweater thinking, "$12?! It must be on sale."  

Not sure when my brain will finally accept that it's back in the land of the US Dollar.

Step one will be to stop referring to things in US dollars.  I was telling a story to some friends over the weekend and I said something along the lines of "...and it cost 40 US dollars."  My friend Al says, "You know you don't have to specify the currency; we all assume you mean US dollar."

Who knew that one thing I'd not be able to let go of was the freakin Hong Kong Dollar?!