Yet another reptile post

This post was supposed to be about the gecko I found on my bathroom ceiling one night. The night I was alone and nearly broke my arm getting out of the bathroom so the thing didn't fall on me. It was supposed to be about how two security men from our building came up with their makeshift broomstick/towel weapon to take care of it. How I wouldn't let them out until they searched the entire bathroom and bedroom to make sure the reptile had definitely escaped via the bathroom window and was absolutely, positively gone. How everyone in my exercise class the next day made fun of me because "geckos are cute" and "wouldn't hurt me".

Then another reptile -- a 12-foot long one with a penchant for eating cats, came on the scene and my gecko story seemed suddenly irrelevant. Police here caught a 12-foot python on our street two weeks ago. Apparently two helpers spotted it earlier in the week eating a cat. (I'll spare you the photos of that.) Why it wasn't caught then I have no idea. A few days later it was caught which was caught (pun intended) on camera:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHdFDNGKwpM

Now I find myself back in that petrified place, fearing that every movement in the grass is a python and freaking out if Victor tries to do his business off the beaten path at night. A friend of mine said, 'Don't worry, if you ever find yourself being attacked by a python just calmly unwrap their tail from around you. They're not poisonous so the bite won't harm you." Are you kidding me?! I actually have to know an "if a python attacks you" survival tip?! And my vet tried the whole "they're more afraid of you than you are of them" tactic, which I just had to call bullshit on. He claims that the cat must've been sick before it was eaten by the snake because a cat should've been able to outrun the snake. He was telling me this to assure me that nothing like could ever happen to Victor. Yeah right...

Oh New York City, I miss you! I'll trade pythons and geckos for rats and pigeons any day!