Parenting

This'll be a quick one that, had I more time, could end up being a 5-page post.  Here's the difference between parenting styles in Discovery Bay and New York City:

Today a kid on a stationary (e.g., non-moving) scooter semi-blocked my exit at the grocery store.  His mother immediately saw this and said, "Carlton, I told you not to ride that thing in here."

Months ago, I was nearly knocked over by a kid on a scooter zooming by me in the grocery store in DB.  I rolled my eyes and said, "watch out" to which his mother gave me a dirty look and most definitely said nothing to her son.

I'm not even going to provide commentary on this; I think it speaks for itself.

PS - If Blondie from the Forum is reading this, I hope your head is exploding!  :)

Swinging Update

This may not even be that interesting to you, but I happened to be sitting in the Plaza (main part of town) and witnessed the most awkward exchange between the wife and husband who used to swing and are now split up.

The husband is standing outside the door of a popular coffee place, talking to a friend.  Then I spot the wife (ex-wife?) coming from across the Plaza, clearly not seeing him, but walking directly towards him.  (The friend the husband is talking to is blocking the husband from view.) As she's about 6 feet away from him she realizes he's there, but obviously can't turn back now because she's only 6 feet away from him and it would be really dramatic to do a complete about-face.

At this point, the husband sees her and peeks around his friend, smiles at her and says hi or something to that effect.  (I'm too far away to get sound on this soap opera.)  She literally walks right past him into the coffee shop as if he didn't exist.  He then gives his friend a look like "I tried" and continues their conversation.  Two minutes later she walked right back out and blatantly ignores him again.

I realize that this could fall under one of those "you had to be there" moments.  But take a sec to think about seeing your husband (or bf or wife or gf) standing outside a Starbucks and walking right past them like they don't exist. And worse, imagine that you have to fear these types of run-ins all the time because you both live in a town the size of Gramercy Park.

I think I'd have a nervous break-down.  

Advice to Newcomers

Casting my natural sarcasm aside, I've decided to share some earnest advice with newcomers.  (I know - what's the world coming to?!)  Putting my serious pants on for a sec, I did struggle for the first year I lived here - and knowing the things below was one small part of that.  Leaving friends and family behind, knowing not a soul in HK - that made up the rest of it.

So as my good deed for the year, here are all the things I wish someone would've told me the day I moved to Hong Kong:

Groceries:
As an American you MUST make your way to Gateway - a ghetto version of Costco.  It's in the basement of an unremarkable building at 188 Des Voeux Road, but don't let that (or the shabby decor or bad lighting) scare you off.  They carry all the brands you're used to and for discounted prices.  Jif peanut butter, Triscuits, Diet Mountain Dew, etc. They are particularly good for bath & body items (Pantene shampoo and REAL Q-tips) and cleaning products.  TIP: You order everything and then it's delivered to your flat a week later (depending on where you live in HK.)

If you can't find something there - or you want fresh or upscale food items, head to one of the Western grocery store chains:

• 360 (Landmark Building and Elements)
• City Super (IFC)
• Olivers (Prince's Building)

Expect to pay a lot more though!

Get Plugged In
Grab a copy of The List (a free magazine you can find around town) every month.  Sign up for dedicated emails from Sassy Hong Kong http://sassyhongkong.com/ and DimSumAndThenSome http://www.dimsumandthensome.com.hk/. Join the American Women's Association or YMCA.  They have great programs for American newbies.  I've heard that the other Chambers of Commerce (e.g. British Chamber of Commerce) host similar events and group get-togethers.

Furniture:
If you need real furniture (sofas, dining room tables, etc.) there's only one place to go - Horizons in Ap Lei Chau.  You see, unlike other large cities, Hong Kong decided to house all of its furniture places in one building on the outskirts of town.  Don't get me started!  Horizons is an 18-story building with various furniture stores on each floor.  TIP: Take the elevator to the top and walk down via the stairs.  Otherwise you'll spend 3/4 of your time waiting for the elevator.  Not fun.

All the stores in Horizons have smaller (*much* smaller) counterparts in Central.  These shops are the size of your bedroom, so the merchandise is limited to like 4 items.  IMHO, it's not worth the time.  There are also a few Ikeas in HK, if you don't want to spend a lot of money.

If you're looking for something small and beautiful or a gift, I'd recommend the following stores: Homeless (on Gough Street), G.O.D. (skip the Central one; opt for Causeway Bay store instead), Shanghai Tang (found in most malls) and Bals Tokyo (Elements Mall).

Clothes:
I'm sad to say the shopping in HK is subpar - am sure I'll get lots of negative comments for that one.  Unless you're uber-rich and can shop at Chanel, Louis Vuitton and their ilk, you're limited to the following: H&M, Zara, Mango, Club Monaco, Massimo Dutti, French Connection, etc.  Granted, there are a few original boutiques, but they aren't easy to find and merchandise is limited because the stores are the size of a postage stamp.  They just opened up a Gap, are close to opening an Abercrombie & Fitch and rumor has it J Crew is coming to HK.  They also have Marks & Spencer, if you're a Brit.

Also, sizes are bizarre.  At the Puma store, they actually print "Asian size" in the tags so that you realize a medium here is an "Asian medium" (e.g. not a fat-ass gweilo medium).  What I like to do is 1) order clothes online from stores in the States and have them shipped here via OneNow http://www.comgateway.com/CGW/com.comgateway.cgw.Home.do?pw6gcgtyxsd=Ujg06gXwWjEjNxNORWEdr5OfFt0%3D or 2) have clothes I already own copied in Shenzhen (see next blog post).

Malls:
As a New Yorker this was a huge turn-off to me.  I'm still not used to it.  The entire HK population lives for malls.  The good ones are Pacific Place and IFC in Central, Elements and Harbour City in Kowloon. Harbour City is a maze, so leave bread crumbs.

Getting Around Central:
If you're like me and hate the thought of walking amidst 1,000 people with no manners, opt for the elevated walkways.  You can use them to get pretty much anywhere in Central.  You'll have to walk though a maze of buildings, but it's definitely the more civilized way to go.  When going to a doctor's office, I'll start at IFC, then walk through Chater House, Alexandra House and Landmark before arriving at the Central Building.  It takes a few attempts and you'll def get lost the first three times you try, but is so much nicer in the air con than sweating and avoiding spit in the street below.

Doctors:
90% of all HK doctors are located in 2 buildings - Princes Building and Central Building.  There are some others scattered nearby, but for some (very convenient) reason, all doctors are located within a 4-block radius from each other.

So that's about it.  Sure, there's more like- take a taxi because they're cheap and be prepared for people to not hold doors for you.  But really those are big things that will help you get settled.  Enjoy!

Lists, Lists and More Lists

As I start to contemplate life after Hong Kong, I feel compelled to wrap things up in a nice, neat package.  For someone like me (a Type-A Virgo who believes she can control everything including weather on her wedding day) that means a list or, in this case, a few lists.

Here's what I will miss and not miss about this place...

What I will miss about Hong Kong

• Hot pot
• Hot pot
• Did I mention hot pot?

• T-shirt weather in December
• 2-hour plane ride to Thailand, 1-hour plane ride to Vietnam, 4 hours to Singapore, 4.5 to Tokyo, etc.
• Clean streets
• Cheap taxis
• Reliable, timely, clean subway system
• Star Ferry at night 
• $4 bowl of shrimp wonton soup on Wellington
• Weekly tai tai lunches with Laura

What I will NOT miss about Hong Kong

• Rice Kings
• Playing chicken with the locals who try to walk through me (actually, I might miss that!)
• Annoying telemarketing calls in Cantonese
• Sweating through all my clothes
• Pollution 
• The sights, sounds, smells and disgusting stuff on the ground at the wet market 

• America bashing
• Feeling like a giant around 90% of the population
• The lack of black people, Hispanic people, good bagels and Mexican food
• The panicked frenetic beeping sound from the crosswalk lights 
• Malls - if I ever step foot in one again, shoot me

What I will miss about Discovery Bay

• Poolside at Siena Club 2pm on a Sunday 

• XL iced teas at ZAKS
• Manic Mondays, Jump-n-Pump and other Christa-led classes
• Walking Victor leash-less around La Costa
• Coffee at a picnic table in the Plaza at 10:30am on a Monday
• Wine/beer/alcoholic beverage in the Plaza at 5pm on a Thursday
• Being surrounded by friends who are exactly in your situation (kind of like college for adults)
• After-work tennis game with the hubby on a Monday 
• Being called "sexy" by well-meaning Filipinas
• The views

Boxing Day 2010

What I will NOT miss about Discovery Bay

• Sucking in diesel fumes while waiting for the ferry
• Fusion cashiers not understanding how a conveyor belt works
• Life in a fishbowl
• Parents who have NO IDEA where their 3-year old has wandered off to in the Plaza
• The HKR fun police
• People farting/burping/clipping their nails/[insert disgusting behavior here] on the ferry 
• The Forum (ok, maybe a little) 

Hong Kongers and DB-ers - what am I missing?!

Chinese Halloween

Hong Kong Resorts, the Chinese corporation that owns our town (not kidding), is organizing a haunted house in our town center for Halloween.  They did it last year and I'm pretty sure it was a hit.

I was talking to an HKR employee (a sweetheart named Pearl) and asked her if they were doing a haunted house again this year:

PEARL (very excited): Oh yes, except this year the haunted house is going to be Chinese.

ME: Really - what does that mean?

PEARL: There is a bridge and on the bridge there's an old lady who will give the kids poison soup.  Then the kids will fall off the bridge.

ME (not sure what to say): Oh, okay.

I've walked around for the last week wondering what in the hell she was talking about.  Then today, a friend of a friend on Facebook wrote this:

I know this story!! It's believed that when everyone dies, the spirit will have to pass the 'bridge', at the end of it, this old lady will make you drink that soup... after the sip, you will FORGET everything, everyone of your life and move on to wherever you are suppose to go.... sob sob...

I have two thoughts on this subject: 1) Are kids going to understand what is going on inside that haunted house?! 2) This whole thing is VEEEERY creepy.


Have I mentioned that these Halloween festivities -- all geared towards kids - are called "Journey to Hell"?!  Slightly inappropriate, wouldn't you say?!

Why I Love Discovery Bay

The dog waiting area outside of Fusion, our supermarket

Brings a smile to may face every day!

Cheese Please

I have an unhealthy relationship with cheese.  Not a meal goes by where some form of cheese - sprinkled parmesan on my pasta, a slice of swiss on a sandwich, a smear of cream cheese on my morning toast, doesn't find its way on my plate.

I'm not sure why I'm telling you all of this.  I guess it has something to do with this picture:

The beauty of being an international housewise is that you can assemble at 5 on a Friday for impromptu drinks and cheese with women from all over the globe.  And lest you think we're all work and no play, I'll have you know this Happy Hour gathering was educational.

I learned that Gouda (seen above with the cute Dutch toothpicks) is Dutch.  I've also learned that my pronunciation (goo-dah) is incorrect.  The Dutch say hu-dah.  For the first syllable, you need to sound like you're trying to hawk a loogie.  

See, it's not all tennis lessons and martinis.

Status

In New York City, social status was determined from things like your zip code or what school your kids go to or if and where you have a summer/weekend/country house.  Did you have the latest Mui Mui bag or were you still trying to rock a Coach (big misstep)?

In Discovery Bay, there are two things - and only two things, that will catapult you to the top of the social stratosphere:

Two helpers -- because anyone and everyone has one helper
A golf cart -- because mass transit is so pedestrian

Here in DB, cars are not allowed.  Instead, you are encouraged to take buses, walk or drive a golf cart.  I'm sure all the Americans are thinking, "Easy choice. I'd love to plunk down $3K for a golf cart instead of $30K for my SUV."  Except that in Discovery Bay, golf carts cost $800,000 HKD (~$120,000USD).  ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS...for a...GOLF CART.  The same golf carts that you use to get the 18th hole on a course - nothing extra special going on in these.

To put that in perspective, I just did a quick eBay search and you can get the following for $1,400 USD:

Club Car Golf Cart: New Tires & Hub Caps, New Tinted Fold Down Windshield, New Directionals, Golf Cart Encloser keep dry from rain, Battery Charger, Front and Rear Lights, Horn, Full RearView Mirror Across Top, Have Golf Bag Holders, Cup Holders, Two Compartments, Tee Holders, Ball Holder, 36 Volts Six Batteries. No tears on seats. Inspected and road ready.

Yeah, the math just doesn't add up.

Community Caring Counter

There are 4 counters at our local HSBC branch -

Premier - people who pay a little extra each month so they can jump the line

Normal (unmarked, btw)- everyday people who have to wait in line (like moi)

Corporate - where cashiers from the local Subway and 7-11 deposit their daily earnings

And then there's the Community Caring Counter -

I have NO IDEA what it means or who's supposed to stand in this line.  People in the community who care?  People in the community who HSBC cares about?  Care Bears??

Expat Hedonism

All my swinging posts have come from a very lighthearted, "can you believe this stuff *really* goes on?" place.  With each new story that comes to light, however, I'm starting to feel like I live in the expat offshoot of Hedonism.

I know a 25-year old woman - a gorgeous, down-to-earth, has a good job and head on her shoulders, 25 year-old woman.  She has a serious live-in boyfriend; they've been together for a looong time.  One day she finds out that her boyfriend is cheating on her...with a friend of theirs...a 41-year old...mother of three...who's married....and also lives in their building. The two couples have been friends for quite some time.  Now, the wife has left her husband and is parading around town with my friend's ex-bf.

WTF?!? Have I left the universe of normalcy?  When did 25-year olds leave their hot girlfriends for married mothers in their 40s?  When did couples who are friends swap partners?  What sounds like the plot of a bad porno is going down in my town every night.  When did this all become ok??

The thing is - I have a lot of friends.  And when I look back at my other groups of friends (high school, college, NYC, etc.) I can't find one who is involved in swinging.  It's not all peachy-keen, trust me. Some have gotten divorced, others have hit rough patches and been in therapy, but none have been involved in rampant cheating....with friends or neighbors.  Not a ONE.  And of all the crazy, booze-filled parties I've been to, not one has ended with Husband #1 leaving with Wife #2.  Not a ONE.

So what is in the water here in Discovery Bay?  Why do so many people cheat, swing and/or hang out at the bars begging for someone other than their spouse to fluff their muffin?

Until I find out, we'll be sticking to bottled water in this household.

Important Notice

Spotted this sign in the changing room at our country club:

Which begs the question - what else are people using the hair dryer for???

Wife Swap

Awhile back I talked about a band of swingers -- and how one couple tried to break off from the pack and do their own thing, which ruffled everybody's feathers. 

Yeah, that couple has since legally separated from their spouses and are trying to give the whole swinging relationship thing a chance.  Not to get all Carrie Bradshaw on you, but it made me think:

Can you go from swinging to a real relationship?

And also:
Do you ever really trust this person?
How do you explain how you met: to your kids, your parents, people you just meet?
Do you continue to swing as a new couple?
Do you keep the same friends?
Are people scared to invite you to dinner parties?
What happened to the spouses that got left behind?  Do they still swing?

Then I thought of two stories where cheating/swinging actually worked:

The first is about a friend of a friend -- let's call her Z.  When Z was in her 20s she often hooked up with a guy who was engaged.  They'd have sex-filled lunch breaks (on the bed of the engaged couple!) and carried on for quite awhile.  Of course all her friends thought she was crazy...until the guy dumped his fiancee, married Z and they had two children together.  While this seems to have a happy ending, I'd bet my life that Z has spyware on her hubby's computer...

The second is a true story about two Yankees players who swapped wives and lives...for good!  Here's what I lifted from Wiki:

He may be best remembered today for swapping families with fellow Yankee pitcher Mike Kekich, an arrangement the pair announced at spring training in March 1973. Peterson and Kekich had been inseparable friends since 1969; both families lived in New Jersey, their children were about the same age, and often they all would visit the Bronx Zoo or the shore or enjoy a picnic together. They decided that they would one day trade wives, children, and even dogs.

The affair began in 1972, when the two couples joked on a double date about wife swapping, a phenomenon that caught on in some uninhibited circles during the early 1970s. According to one report, the first swap took place that summer, after a party at the home of New York sportswriter Maury Allen. The couples made the change official in October; Kekich moving in with Marilyn Peterson and Peterson with Susanne Kekich, but no word leaked out until spring of 1973. A light moment came when New York Yankees General Manager Lee MacPhail remarked, "We may have to call off Family Day." The trade worked out better for Peterson than it did for Kekich, as Peterson is still married to the former Susanne Kekich, with whom he has had four children. Kekich and Marilyn Peterson did not last long.^[1]

My conclusion?  If invited to swing, politely decline. No matter how harmless and fun it seems in the beginning, someone always gets burned in the end.

A Tai Tai Hater

I don't want to bag on my fellow tai-tais, but sometimes they drive me nuts.

Case in point:

When walking around our grocery store you inevitably see a tai tai shopping with her helper.  She looks like a little tyrant walking around and pointing at various items while the helper runs behind her grabbing and then throwing them in the cart.  When it's time to check out, the helper does all the work, while Miss I Don't Want to Break a Nail stands there and watches.

Isn't the point of having a helper to make your life more easier?  If so, then why on earth are you both doing the shopping??  Shouldn't one of you be looking after the kids or ironing or something?  Divide and conquer, people. 

Paging Captain Obvious

To get to the swimming pool at our country club, you have to walk through the changing room and then this mini pool area, for lack of a better term.  I believe the thinking goes that by walking through this you are decontaminating your shoes before you hit the pool deck.  Because an outdoor pool deck filled with hundreds of people and kids is germ-free...

Hopefully the humor in placing a "Caution - Wet Floor" sign inside this pool is as obvious to you as it was to me.

Oh and the decontamination logic doesn't stop there!  The doorway-like space between the changing room and the decontamination pool area -- a doorway you HAVE TO walk through, has water coming down from the ceiling - as if you're in the shower.  Again, I think this piss-poor attempt at getting people "clean" before they get to the pool deck is laughable  Why? Because everyone hugs the wall when they walk through so that the shower water raining down from the ceiling doesn't get you wet.  You can't see the shower water in this pic - it's coming out of the white tube on the ceiling over the doorway.  The helper in the black shirt is likely getting wet in this picture.

Hong Kong logic at its best.

I'm Too Sexy

China (and most of Asia, I think) celebrates the Dragon Boat Festival, which is on the 5th moon of the 5th month for those of you keeping score at home!  I dedicated an entire post to Dragon Boating awhile back, so have a peek if you want the nitty gritty details.  For this post, all you need to know is that it's a boat/paddling competition; one that people train for weeks ahead of time.

My friend Sally is competing this year and just so happened to spy this delicious creature at her recent practice:

Not the cute girl in the foreground... The middle-aged, mustached man wearing a spandex half-shirt in the background.  Ain't he a beauty?  It's one thing to wear a half shirt.  Or to wear spandex.  It's a whole other thing to wear both at the same time along with bicycle shorts!  Oh and if you have a mustache you should be wearing NONE OF THE ABOVE. 

A Swinger's Faux Pas

Another bonafide case of swinging for you:

A 20-something couple were having drinks at our local hotspot Cafe Duvet - where all the bad shit goes down.  (The first, last and only time I went here was on a Wednesday night after a book club.  My friend and I were catching up over a glass of wine and 2 beyond-inebriated men came over and harassed us.  The things they were saying are unprintable, which I'm sure you find preposterous given the content usually found on this blog! In New York, I would've told these guys to f*ck off and a not-so-nice New York chick would probably slapped them.  How did it end, you ask?  Well, the one guy leans up against our high-top bar table and knocks it to the ground along with himself and our drinks.  I decided to call it a night - and never to go back to Duvet again.)  Anyway, back to my story...

A 40-something married couple sits down next to them and proceeds to chat them up and buy them drinks.  The youngsters kind of think it's weird but then chalk it up to DB being such a friendly place and all.  Ultimately, the older couple turns to the youngsters and asks if they'd like to go home with them.  The youngsters politely decline. The oldsters proceed to tell them all the fun they'll be missing out on before leaving.  I like to believe the youngsters vomit in their mouths a little bit upon hearing this.

These old swingers really have some chutzpah - asking 20-somethings to sleep with them.  Don't they realize that people in their 20s view people in their 40s like grandparents - and nobody wants to see their grandma or grandpa naked.  I feel like they broke some unwritten code of swinging, which is to only approach people who are on or below your attractiveness level.  That's like Newt Gingrich approaching Cameron Diaz and assuming she'd want to sleep with him.  Would never happen in a million years.  Now if the tables were turned and Cameron approached Newt, well, clearly we're looking at a different outcome.  Or if George Clooney approached Cameron Diaz -- it's a more level playing field.

Also, people in their 20s don't swing - they hook up.  And they sure as hell don't need to get involved in the drama of hooking up with married people who are two decades older than them.  They can just go hook up with random hot people their age - drama-free. 

Lesson learned?  Swingers need to stay in their swinging brackets. Ugly people should only approach other ugly people.  If an attractive couple asks an ugly couple to swing, that's okay, too.  But an ugly couple can never approach an attractive couple.  Ditto for fat swingers and skinny swingers; young swingers and old swingers. 

Another lesson learned - don't Google "unwritten rules of swinging" or this is what you'll get:  http://www.adulttravelforum.com/forums/showthread.php?8115-Unwritten-Rules/page2

Lordy lordy...

Street Art in DB

You've gotta love DB-ers.  Someone decided to create this street art (?) near the ferry.  I'm not sure what to make of it...but think it's totally blog-worthy.

You've Got (no) Mail

One of the things I miss most about living in the States?  Getting mail.  We don't get any mail here - and what we do get is total crap.  We get bills, about 10 circulars from real estate agencies (all showing the same 20 properties) and 5 completely random, typo-riddled fliers from contractors and illegal massage parlors.  We also get the latest version of InsideDB - a "magazine" (not sure it qualifies) that is so boring I don't even bother opening it anymore.  (I stopped when I found a typo in their cover story headline! How hard is it to proof your cover?!)

Oh how I remember the days of mindlessly throwing out my J Crew and Pottery Barn catalogs. Now when I'm back in the States I covet them and try not to flip through them all at once.  No more excitement when my Vanity Fair or New York Magazine arrives (because they don't ship to HK).  No more "We know you like this [insert Magazine or Store here], so we thought you might enjoy [insert Magazine or Store here]."  Not even a freakin menu!

Just my lonely little metal mail box filled with air.

Secret Ziplock Stashes (and the People Who "Guard" DB)

Here is another random, bizarre element of Discovery Bay... Have a look at the pictures below and note the Ziplock bag containing some sort of pamphlet inside, which is zip-tied to the railing. 

This is one of many secretive little stashes that can be found hidden in spots around my neighborhood.  This one is pretty conspicuous.  Most are hidden behind shrubbery or between slats in a fence.  I've even seen one hidden up underneath someone's window!

They came to my attention when I saw a guard writing in one with her stubby little golf course pencil (also attached via string to zip lock bag) and then furtively stuff it back in in and walk away like nothing happened.  I was very curious, but late for the ferry so I didn't stop to check it out.  Now, when I'm out walking Victor, I see these little hot pockets hidden everywhere!  In our neighborhood alone (La Costa, for all you DB-ers reading this), I've spotted at least six.

So what on earth is kept inside these sandwich bags?!  Is it a census - are they keeping track of the number of bike-riders and dog-walkers they see in a given day?  Or is it a weird version of a time card - seems like a clandestine spot for punching in on the clock.  Or is it their way of tracking anything out of place - like "3:20pm Friday - child's bicycle leaned up against house #12"?? It's all in Chinese, so I can't tell.

Whatever it is, I love that they're storing it in Ziplock bags out in the open.  Cutting edge storage system, don't ya say?!

Jackpot!

Well folks, there's been a lot of speculation on this site about swinging.  And now, after lots of whispers and online solicitations, I have found a bonafide, witness-confirmed case of it.

Caveat #1 - It's not me.  I feel like I need to state this outright because if you're skeptical like me, you'll read this whole post and think I'm talking about myself in the third person.  I'm not.

Caveat #2 - I am not going to use any names or distinguishing characteristics that might point to who these people are.  Everyone will be Friend A or Husband 1.  I'm not here to out anyone and there are DB-ers who read this blog.

Caveat #3 - These are a lot of caveats for what is going to be a very brief story.  Sorry about that.

Let's get to the gettin' to, shall we?

Walking with a friend who sees another couple that she knows.  She remarks, "I bet they're off to counseling" and then proceeds to give me the only first-hand swinging story I've heard.  Apparently a few couples (not sure of the exact number - either 2 or 3) used to get together and swap partners.  I can't even begin to imagine how the first step of that process begins, but I'm sure there's alcohol involved.  This "party" happens multiple times - and, disturbingly enough, all in the same abode.  (I'm praying separate rooms, but who really knows?!)

Everybody's all hunky-dory with the situation until one adulterous couple (Husband 1 and Wife 2) decide they want to split away from the pack and do their own thing on their own time.  That's when the word "affair" starts getting thrown around and discord in the group begins.  Yet the couple continue their dalliances in bathrooms at public events and other venues.  My friend who witnessed it all isn't sure (or better yet, wasn't telling) what broke up the party because she pulled away from the group when all the drama went down.

I can't get the movie Ice Storm out of my head.  I also can't help but laugh that it only became an "affair" when the one couple tried to break off from the pack.  We need a Real Housewives of Discovery Bay over here.