Pharmacies Suck.

Here's how the medical process goes in Hong Kong:
You go to the doctor; he prescribes medicine; his nurse gives you the medicine; you leave with everything you need to get better.  Easy peasy.

Here's how the process goes here:
I feel like crap.  I call the doctor to set up an appointment and the doctor's receptionist informs me I'll need to bring my insurance card.  I don't have an insurance card, so I have to call insurance company Cigna (many conversations with automated computer that doesn't understand what I'm saying) and get ID number.

Go to doctor.  Get examined by doctor.  Ushered out the door by doctor with two prescriptions in hand.

Go to pharmacy #1 (Duane Reade) - located nowhere near doctor office. Hand pharmacist my prescriptions and tell her my insurance ID#.  Told the next day (!!) that Cigna is NOT my prescription insurance provider, only my medical/doctor provider.  Express Scripts is my prescription provider and they don't have a contract with Duane Reade.  A.k.a. - I'm not getting my meds here.

Go to pharmacy #2 (Rite Aid).  Hand pharmacist my prescriptions and Cigna ID#, explaining that I'm covered under Express Scripts.  She tells me they only have 1 of the 2 medicines in stock and that I need to provide more info from Express Scripts before she can fill the script.

Go home and call Cigna (automated computer hell) only to have them explain that they are a completely different company than Express Script.  They do have Express Script's number though (small miracle).  Call Express Script (more automated computer hell) and am given all info needed to get Rx filled.

Go back to Rite Aid and give the info for my 1 Rx.  Have given up hope on getting 2nd medicine.

Currently waiting for it to be filled and assume there will be 8 million more hoops to jump through, hiccups and meltdowns -- the latter from me, before I physically have meds in hand.

Now I ask you - sane, level-headed human being, which process would you prefer?????

Faux Yorker

Just when I think I've assimilated, the following happens:

I walk by a bar with a sign out front that reads, "Football all weekend long" and I think "Wow, soccer has really caught on here in the last three years."

That and I keep trying to go up the wrong side of the escalators.

Otherwise, I'm totally back.  ;)

Paging Maury Povich

Check out what I spotted at our drugstore (British translation: chemist):

Apologies for the blur factor, but please tell me you can read the "Court Admissible" tagline!

Does this mean Maury Povich is out of a job?? Speaking of, if you're American and start to feel high-and-mighty and that our country is the best in the world....watch an episode.  You will quickly be brought to your knees with embarrassment.  

Delivery for Dummies

One of the biggest things I've looked forward to in NYC is the restaurant scene.  Every part of it -- "the world is your oyster" options, places staying open until midnight and deliveries any time of day or night.  Back in the UrbanFetch era (circa 1999), I was known to order a DVD (or was it still VHS back then?), slice of pizza, drinks and Tylenol from one place and it would all be delivered within an hour!

Yesterday I saw a Pinkberry delivery guy in our elevator.  If you're not familiar, Pinkberry is a frozen yogurt chain.  (HK folks, it's the same as Yo MaMa.) The kind of place you see when you're walking on a Sunday afternoon and feel like indulging your sweet tooth.  You go in, order a cup and then peruse the vast display of toppings (Capn Crunch, blueberries, coconut, you name it).  You leave, yogurt in hand, and proceed to eat it spoonful by spoonful as you walk down a sunny NYC street.  It's more event, than food.

You do not call Pinkberry and ask them to deliver a cup of yogurt to your door. Which the deliveryman confirmed when I asked him who would order yogurt for delivery and he replied - "some lazy ass people".  I think he wanted to say "some lazy ass white people," but refrained.

Whiter Shade of Pale

Do you know what's depressing as f*ck??  Watching yourself grow paler every day and knowing that it's going to be at least 4 months before your skin sees the sun again.

I do not look good pale.  Not one bit.

And please don't say "foundation".  I'm not skilled enough to wear it and always end up with that crass line separating my face from my neck.

Too Much of a Good Thing

Pretty sure I've complained about how Hong Kong grocery stores are hit or miss.  For three months straight they'll have your favorite brand of popsicles.  Then, they run out and you don't see them again for a year (if you're lucky!)  Or you'll come in for what I consider a staple - blueberries, chicken breasts, garlic - and find that they have none in stock.  Not a berry, breast or clove in sight...and they are perplexed that you find this ridiculous.

Now I live in a place where you can buy a package of 10 hard-boiled, already-peeled eggs.  Some company will boil and peel your eggs for you - because who can be bothered to do that?!

I don't know whether to laugh, cry or buy a package and make deviled eggs.

Really??

When we moved into our place in Hong Kong, Pricoa - the relocation company, gave us a nice bottle of red wine.

Here's what we got from them this time:

Welcome to the States.  Would you like fries with that?  

For All That is Holy and Merciful

Please God, make it stop.  I cannot handle winter today.  I. Just. Can't.

I forgot about the stinging, burning sensation that comes right before numbness.

I forgot that you need to carry around a family-sized box of tissues because your nose will run for no reason other than it is freezing to death.

I forgot that once you get into anywhere warm (like a subway car), you immediately start to sweat under all your layers.

I forgot that you lose peripheral vision when you're bundled up in a scarf, hat, parka coat hood and sunglasses.

I honestly don't know if I will survive this winter.

Meanwhile, my HK friends are jetting off to the beaches of Boracay and Koh Samui.  Bitches.

Supersize Me

We went to see The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo the other night.  It was a slightly revolting experience.  Two seats had a big white sheet over them that read "Accident Being Cleaned Up".  I don't want to think about what kind of accident can't be cleaned up immediately.  The floors were gross and sticky and the annoying chicks with Lawn-Guyland accents yammering on behind us were also gross.

Oh how I remember nestling into my oversized leather armchair (pre-selected and reserved arm chair, I might add) in Hong Kong waiting for the movie to start.  Granted, I was watching a movie that had been out in the States for a good 6 months...

However, the big ah-ha "we're not in HK anymore, Toto" moment was when we got our drinks from the concession stand.  I ordered a medium Diet Coke. Here's what I got:

Not sure the first picture does it justice, but hopefully the second does.  I had to use TWO HANDS to lift the thing up to my mouth.  In fact, my two hands together *just* formed the circumference of the lid.  It was gigantic!  I have to assume the large is reserved for a family of four.

All of that moral outrage aside, I managed to slurp the entire thing down plus a bag of the new pretzel M&Ms.  :)

[Editor's Note: For all the disbelievers out there, it should be noted that I have normal, non-dwarf sized hands.]

Ni Hao

We're into our temporary housing (e.g. serviced apartment) and what it lacks in location (one block off Times Square - somebody shoot me!), it makes up for in space, beautiful floors and a balcony.  After the chopped-up suffocating HK apartments, I feel like I can actually breathe in this one.

Anyway, that's not the point of this post.  The point is that being one block off of Times Square means we're in the Theatre District.  When I spotted the marquee of the Broadway show directly across the street from our place, I realized the Chinese gods are looking out for me:

Surely that's a good omen, no?!

Happiness is...

Target

A hot, fresh everything bagel + hazelnut coffee for $2.50

Cable TV with 800 channels (literally!) on a 60" flat screen

10 varieties of every product on the shelves - greek yogurt with honey, greek yogurt with blueberries, greek yogurt with pomegranates, plain greek yogurt...

The bank teller, grocery clerk, telemarketing idiot on the phone speak your language

Top Shop, J Crew, Urban Outfitters and the many many stores that line NYC streets

Guacamole made tableside at Rosa Mexicana

Bananas that taste like bananas

Watching live sports in the afternoon and at night

And Just Like That...

...I'm a New Yorker again.  Technically.  Since landing in JFK last week, I've spent the holiday laying on my in-laws couch, shopping like crazy and eating my face off.  So really it's not like I'm back to normal life, more like I'm on vacation. I keep having to remind myself that I'm not hopping on a 16-hour flight back to HK in a few days.

One stark reminder we're not in Kansas Hong Kong anymore...the weather.  The high in HK today was 68 degrees.  I'd be walking my dog in jeans, a t-shirt and flip-flops.  Maybe with a light scarf tied loosely around my neck (for decorative purposes only) and some sunnies on.

Here's how I looked when I just walked him in NYC's 33 degree weather:

Note the "Do I *really* have to go out in this crap?" look on his face.  Yeah, and 33 is MILD for December.  Oy freakin' vey.

Have I mentioned?

...that we will be leaving beautiful 70-degree weather in Hong Kong for brutal NYC winter weather??  Since there was a nor'easter in October, I'm preparing myself for the worst.  Am having faint memories of being too cold to shower in the morning, stepping into invisible ankle-deep black slush on the street corners and being pale as f*ck.

Have I also mentioned that 60 degrees feels cold to me?

Yeah, I'm screwed.

Start Spreadin' the News...

I'm leavin' today.
I want to be a part of it...
New York, New York

 Well friends - I knew this day would come eventually...  As an expat it's kind of inevitable.

We are moving back to New York.

Yep, packing up our dehumidifiers, rice maker, chopsticks and milk teas and heading back to the land of bagels, lox and black people.  It's surreal because the whole thing came completely out of the blue.

I'm filled with excitement, sadness, hope and nostalgia.  The minute we got the news, my love of Hong Kong grew exponentially.  Which is funny because I didn't even know it existed in the first place.  Now I have a bucket list as long as Dwight Howard's arm for things to do/see/experience/visit before I leave Asia.  And only 6 weeks to do them in because we will be back in New York before Christmas!

Before you fret about this blog disappearing (because obviously this is an integral part of your daily existence!), keep in mind that I still have six more weeks of Chinglish and swinging ahead of me.  Er, writing about them, that is.  Or maybe I should try some swinging before I leave - after all, this could be my last chance to end up as a salacious topic on The Forum!

I haven't lived in New York for three years, which means I'll technically be an expat when I return.  Even now when I go back stores are gone, others have cropped up (there is a Trader Joe's on the UWS!) and I can't remember which stops the 4/5/6 trains make.  When I left New York in 2008, Obama had just taken office, bin Laden was still alive and Kim Kardashian was dating Reggie Bush.  Feels like a lifetime ago.  ;)

I've been told by expat friends that the transition back home is not a seamless one, so be prepared for lots of moaning about how I miss my life in Hong Kong.  Also be prepared (if you're an American) for me to say things like "air con" instead of "AC" and "quite" instead of "really."  Years ago I had a friend who lived in Australia for a year and then moved back to NYC.  She came back saying "mate" and a little piece of me died every time it came out of her mouth.  Now, I'll be the one people are rolling their eyes at and thinking "well, isn't she high and mighty with her international vocabulary".

In summary (this post deserves some formality!), while I am moving back to New York, I will continue blogging about life as an expat.  I'll just be doing it from a noodle shop in Chinatown.