And the Award for Most Inappropriate WiFi Network Name Goes to...

Sitting in the Hanoi airport riding out a 3-hour layover on our way to Siem Reap.  Find the only restaurant in the airport, which, much to our elation, offers free wifi! Then my husband nearly spits out his pad thai when he sees the options.

HorseCock

Yep.  

Sex & Chopsticks

In the last 24 hours, I learned something shocking and hysterical new about two Asian cultures, both of which I've visited.

Saw what might be one of the funniest headlines ever in our newspaper:

(Mom/Dad/Grandma/Mama B - please stop reading now.)

Then, last night we're out to dinner with friends (two American couples who've been living in Asia for 7+ years) and they make a joke about a certain infamous Singapore law (and not the one outlawing chewing gum).  Apparently there's an actual, bonafide law that if a woman is performing oral sex on a man, the act must be completed by having sex....and cannot be completed any other way.  If the act is finalized in the mouth, the woman can be thrown in jail!!!

Of course this begs all kinds of questions like - who would know, how does one go about proving how a bj ends, why on earth did this become a law in the first place.  But the thing that really kills me is that 1) it's not really within a woman's control how these things end up (if you catch my drift) and 2) the idea that some man who can't control himself could then call the cops and get you locked up for something you had no control over is CRAZY!!!!

I used to daydream about living in Singapore (instead of HK) because it's so Americanized.  Between this and chewing gum law, I'm not so hot on the idea anymore.

Oz: Land of Sunshine, Hungry Jacks and Dead Kangaroos

We finally made it to Australia - and Oz didn't let us down!  The sunshine, topography, cuisine and people are gorgeous - and so much more than we envisioned.  As was the cost of food!  A can of Coke out of the vending machine cost $3.50.  Breakfast for 2 people from the corner deli (we're talking small coffee, small bottle water and small tasteless pastry) was $35!  If you're planning a trip to Oz, start saving now or find a bank to rob!

It was all worth it though for views of the Opera House, beaches and iconic Harbor Bridge.

Here is a random assortment of observations and stories from our trip:

On the flight there I had another language barrier situation.  Ordered my meal and then couldn't for the life of me figure out what was in my salad (see below).  The printed menu said "surimi" which I'd never heard of it, so I asked the stewardess (YES, stewardess - when did that become a dirty word??)  She didn't know the word in English, so I asked, "Is it a vegetable?"  She replies, "Yes, vegetable."  Except that it's not. Turns out "surimi" means imitation crabmeat in Japanese.  Blech.

Once in Oz, the same commercial for a gardening center kept playing on TV.  I can't tell you how odd it is to hear "Plant your tomatoes now and they'll be ready by Christmas."  The whole southern hemisphere thing is wacky!

Have I mentioned that my husband has turned into a marathon machine?  The real reason we went down to Sydney (other than so that he could be the first Birardi to step foot on the continent) was so that he could run in the Sydney half marathon.  I've lost him to wholewheat pasta and hours of hip flexor stretching, so I enjoyed the pay-off of seeing him finish in record time!

Check out what the Aussies call Burger King and Rice Krispies:

I've officially become a hot-blooded Hong Konger because there was a large clothing differential between me and the locals on Bondi Beach.  Here I am in a leather jacket and jeans (the scarf that I took off for the picture is in my bag) while there were multiple chicks frolicking in the ocean in their bikinis.  Usually I'm the maniac wearing open-toed sandals in snowy December.

If you do happen to find yourself in Bondi, make sure you check out Icebergs - a swimming club whose pool might be the coolest I've ever seen!

I know the term "meat pie" doesn't sound very appetizing, but trust me - this Aussie treat is DEE-LISH.  It's like a full Thanksgiving meal (beef, mashed potatoes, peas and gravy) in a tiny little puff pastry cup!

Now onto the low point of the trip...  We decided to drive from the Blue Mountains to Hunter Valley.  I was nervous and slightly giddy about driving on the "wrong" side of the road.  Can't tell you how many times Vin yelled, "You're veering off into a ditch!" All the internet reports said it was a picturesque journey through the Aussie countryside that's not to be missed.  Our trip was a 5 and a half hour nightmare that included some carnage.

The first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth (you get the picture) kangaroo I saw in real life were all road kill  The first living kangaroo I saw hopped out in front of my car, which was going 50 mph on a 2-lane road.  With a car behind me and one in the oncoming lane, there wasn't much I could do besides lay on the horn and pray for the best.  (My Aussie friends say this is the worst thing you can do as the roo just freezes up.) Vin and I both closed our eyes on impact, so didn't see anything but did feel the ba-bump, ba-bump as our car went over him.  That's right, I killed a kangaroo.

Can I just take the time to point out that I drove in the US for 16 years without hitting anything and manage to take out a kangaroo less than a week in Oz?  Here's me smiling minutes before "the incident":

Kangaroo hit-and-run aside, Sydney was an incredible trip!  I will definitely go back (and promise not to step foot in a car!)

My Top 10 Places to See Before You Die

Warning: This posting has absolutely nothing to do with Hong Kong or being a tai tai.

With our trip to Phuket only days away, I find myself reflecting on other trips I've taken and places I've seen. While I'm by no means the most well-traveled person I know, I like to think I've seen some nice spots in my 33 years. It got me to wondering what my top 10 favorite spots in the world are -- a list that may at first seem like an easy task, but then you find yourself with 14 locations, oppressive indecision and an unclear perspective on what puts one spot over another. Following is what I landed on in no particular order, although truth be told Barcelona is my favorite city in the world. (I apologize in advance for not having pictures for every spot):

1. Barcelona, Spain -- Barcelona is like Prince Harry. It gets to be cool and have fun and not follow the rules while big brother Madrid has to function like the biggest city in Spain. Barcelona is a lot like Gaudi's architecture -- zany and mesmerizing, steeped in meaning and culture, but not taking itself too seriously. (The Park Guell is a must, btw.) I love that you can experience mountains and ocean, bustling citylife and quaint nooks -- all in the same day and within steps of each other. Barcelona makes it easy to fall in love because everything is manageable-- from the pace, which allows you to actually take in your surroundings, to the Picasso Museum, one of few in which you can see everything in a few hours. I lied, there is one thing I don't like about Barcelona; well all of Spain, really. The food. I'm not into it -- too much ham and sardines and things served cold that are supposed to be hot. I'm pretty sure I'm in the minority on that front, so don't let it deter you (should you by chance be considering a trip to Barcelona!)

2. Taxco, Mexico -- Nestled in the valley of two mountains a few hours south of Mexico City is the most quaint town on earth. It also happens to be the silver capital of Mexico and you can get adorable stuff for next to nothing. More than anything, though, the architecture is what makes you a fan for life -- Taxco feels very European with all the terracotta roofs and winding roads. It's the kind of place where you come across a wedding marching through the zocalo (town square) and find authentic Mexican food at out of the way places. If you happen to stumble into this town, I highly recommend staying at the Posada La Mision.

3. Vancouver, Canada -- I'm embarrassed to say that my first visit to Vancouver was only this past summer! Man, was I missing out! Vancouver is one of the few big cities that feels clean. I don't know if it's because you're surrounded by water and mountains, but it makes you believe you'd have a different life if you lived there. Like suddenly I'd become the kind of person who kayaks in the summer and snowboards in the winter -- and always has a healthy flush in my cheeks. While the lush park system and waterfront skyline are stunning, what I like most is the clear delineation and personality of Vancouver's neighborhoods. They each have their own identity -- one section feels very TriBeca while the hood next door is dead-on SoCal.

Lunch with Julia on Granville Island

The frightening Capilano suspension bridge

4. Paris, France -- Do I even need to write anything? We spent half of our honeymoon here.

Classic Eiffel Tower shot

Vin and I getting our Parisian cafe on

5. Santa Fe, New Mexico -- You can have Florida and North Carolina; I want to retire in Santa Fe. Good art, great food, amazing weather -- what's more to love?! The Inn of the Five Graces might be the best place we've ever stayed, too.


6. La Digue, Seychelles -- The Seychelles overall was pretty amazing, if for no other reason because it's not flooded with tourists. (More than once, we had local Seychellois ask if we were British!) While Mahe (the main island) and Praslin were nice, La Digue was special. No cars are allowed on the island so everyone walks, bikes or takes an ox cart. In one afternoon, we biked through a turtle sactuary where some of the turtles were hundreds of years old, had a local man cut a coconut out of a tree with a machete so that we could drink the milk (for free and completely unsolicited by us!) and then stumbled out to some of the most mind-altering ocean vistas I've ever seen. This place looks like the land before time.


7. North Fork, Long Island -- Anyone who hears Long Island and thinks of Joey Buttafucco or "Lawn-Guyland" accents needs to visit the North Fork. You will forget where you are -- and certainly won't find a fake nail or gross accent in sight. It's farms, vegetable stands and vineyards for miles. Whereas some of Napa has gotten hoity-toity, the vibe here is relaxed with people setting out their picnics, picking pumpkins and drinking lots of wine! In another life, I'd like to renovate an old farmhouse and live here.

8. London, England -- Though I'd been to London for work a few times, they were just quick in-and-out trips that didn't allow me to see the city. Then we went and visited the Mettlers in June one year and it was just spectacular. Maybe it's because the whole city was bathed in sunlight (they assured us that the 80 degree weather was a rarity), but it felt like we were in a new, shiny-happy-people version of New York City. Laying in the park, picnicing in the Mettler's neighborhood garden, grabbing a Pims in a pub, hitting the famous outdoor market whose name escapes me, doing Sunday brunch in Notting Hill -- all of it was perfect. The accents were the proverbial cherry on top.

Picturesque Notting Hill

At the pub with the Mettlers

Having a Pims

9. Italy -- I refuse to pick a favorite in Italy. Can't do it. My first trip there I fell in love with Florence and was lukewarm about Rome. My second trip there, I found Rome exciting and Florence a bit dull. I can't decide whether I like Capri, Positano or Amalfi more. Having famiy in Bari and Lecce doesn't necessarily put them on top. What I can do is pinpoint the next places I want to explore: Sicily, Sardinia, Italian Riviera (Portofino, Cinqueterre), Lake Como, Venice, Sardinia...

Arriving in Amalfi

Eating (Italy's national pastime) with the family in Bari

Florence's Duomo -- craftsmanship at its most intricate

Capri's infamous Il Fariglioni

Piazza Navona -- my favorite spot in Rome

10. Gramercy Park, New York City -- It's where I lived by myself for the first and only time; where I met my husband; where I adopted Victor and where I had a key to one of the most exclusive spots in the city. But those aren't the reasons I love it. After living in various neighborhoods throughout New York for 11 years, I still dream about Gramercy. Its central yet almost hidden location (close enough to hit the Union Square Farmer's Market and shops in Flat Iron, but designed so that no main roads cut through it) and small-town feel (you see the same folks in 71 Irving every day) make its residents feel special. While the rest of the city has morphed from obscure to emerging to white-hot-trendy to oh-so-over (hello SoHo!), Gramercy Park hasn't changed one iota.

My old place (decorated for Victor's birthday party!)

Honorable Mentions include: Maui, Hawaii; Santorini, Greece; Key West, Florida; Aspen, Colorado and Mahe, Seychelles

Places I'll Never Go Again include: Athens, Greece; Big Island, Hawaii; Madrid, Spain

I probably went into a little too much detail on some of these -- guess it's true all bloggers like to hear themselves talk!, so apologies if you fell asleep or wanted to rip your eyeballs out. One of the big reasons I decided to make my list public (in addiiton to the aforementioned point!) is that I want to knowwhat everyone else's top 10 list would be. If you don't mind sharing, give me your top 10 list in the "Comments" section. Or you can email it to me separately.