Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A Swinger's Faux Pas

Another bonafide case of swinging for you:

A 20-something couple were having drinks at our local hotspot Cafe Duvet - where all the bad shit goes down.  (The first, last and only time I went here was on a Wednesday night after a book club.  My friend and I were catching up over a glass of wine and 2 beyond-inebriated men came over and harassed us.  The things they were saying are unprintable, which I'm sure you find preposterous given the content usually found on this blog! In New York, I would've told these guys to f*ck off and a not-so-nice New York chick would probably slapped them.  How did it end, you ask?  Well, the one guy leans up against our high-top bar table and knocks it to the ground along with himself and our drinks.  I decided to call it a night - and never to go back to Duvet again.)  Anyway, back to my story...

A 40-something married couple sits down next to them and proceeds to chat them up and buy them drinks.  The youngsters kind of think it's weird but then chalk it up to DB being such a friendly place and all.  Ultimately, the older couple turns to the youngsters and asks if they'd like to go home with them.  The youngsters politely decline. The oldsters proceed to tell them all the fun they'll be missing out on before leaving.  I like to believe the youngsters vomit in their mouths a little bit upon hearing this.

These old swingers really have some chutzpah - asking 20-somethings to sleep with them.  Don't they realize that people in their 20s view people in their 40s like grandparents - and nobody wants to see their grandma or grandpa naked.  I feel like they broke some unwritten code of swinging, which is to only approach people who are on or below your attractiveness level.  That's like Newt Gingrich approaching Cameron Diaz and assuming she'd want to sleep with him.  Would never happen in a million years.  Now if the tables were turned and Cameron approached Newt, well, clearly we're looking at a different outcome.  Or if George Clooney approached Cameron Diaz -- it's a more level playing field.

Also, people in their 20s don't swing - they hook up.  And they sure as hell don't need to get involved in the drama of hooking up with married people who are two decades older than them.  They can just go hook up with random hot people their age - drama-free. 

Lesson learned?  Swingers need to stay in their swinging brackets. Ugly people should only approach other ugly people.  If an attractive couple asks an ugly couple to swing, that's okay, too.  But an ugly couple can never approach an attractive couple.  Ditto for fat swingers and skinny swingers; young swingers and old swingers. 

Another lesson learned - don't Google "unwritten rules of swinging" or this is what you'll get:  http://www.adulttravelforum.com/forums/showthread.php?8115-Unwritten-Rules/page2

Lordy lordy...


  1. Haha, this is so funny and true. But is DB really 'swinger's bay'. I've been many times and even have friends that live there and they all believe it's an urban legend.

  2. I thought the same until I knew of an actual case of it. Not sure how rampant it is, but it DOES exist. Enter at your own risk, huh?!!

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