Monday, February 22, 2010

Naughty Pussy

An American friend of mine -- a Southerner, no less -- said that her 6-year old son came home from school with a book about a cat who behaved badly.  My friend, reading the book to her son per the teacher's request, found herself reading aloud, "naughty pussy, naughty pussy, naughty pussy."  Then she found herself calling the school and asking for that book to never be sent home again.

Turns out most Europeans refer to a cat as a "pussy" and this has been adopted by the schools here.

When they're back in Arkansas my friend's father points at the cat food and says, "What's that?"  To which my friend's son replies, "Pussy food."

She also had the hysterical (and unfortunate) experience of asking her son what he was doing and him responding, "I'm playing with Sarah's pussy." Pussy being his friend Sarah's cat, of course.

So when our yet-to-be-conceived kids come back saying "pussy," please remember that they're talking about your cat.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

1,2,3,5,4.... A,B,D,C,E...

Be warned, this is more of a vent than a post.

If you are a logical person, Hong Kong is not the place for you.  Case in point:

I had a meeting on the 18th floor of a building I'd never been to before -- the Wing On House, which is on Des Vouex Road.  I arrive at the Wing On House and am presented with 3 elevator banks in a row.  From left to right, they were:

Floors 1-9...................... Floors 22-35..................Floors 10-21

Does that make sense to anyone??  Of course when I attempt to ask the lobby person why floors 10-21 aren't between floors 1-9 and floors 22-35, they have no idea what I'm asking and just keep shoving me towards the 3rd bank of elevators.

I get to the 18th floor and can't find the office I'm looking for.  When I call, they inform me that I'm at the wrong building.  It's the other Wing On House on Des Voeux Road.  You know, because naming two buildings in the same city, let alone on the same street, makes a lot of f@#ing sense, doesn't it?????

If you read about someone going postal in Hong Kong, please print out this blog and hand it to my attorney.  Thanks.

To a Grrrrrrrrreat 2010

The first day of Chinese New Year (Year of the Tiger) coincides with Valentine's Day this year, which has created quite the conundrum for the Discovery Bay decorating committee.  In the end, they went with some pagoda looking love-themed display with red chinese lanterns hanging in the background.  I want to meet the person who designs these vomitous, illogical things.  I would've gone with something more daring -- like Cupid riding a Tiger or something.


As with most major holidays, the malls have gotten in on the action.  The mall closest to us -- IFC -- decided to go with what I can only interpret is a Three Chinese Wisemen approach.  You can't tell from the photos, but these cherubic figures actually sway in sync!

Strangely, Alexandra House (another mall) is the only one to actually incorporate a tiger into their displays.  It looks a little cheesy, but the tiger is made up entirely of flowers, which I'm guessing have been spray-painted...

Oh and here's what we can expect during the Year of the Tiger:

Drama, intensity, change and travel will be the keywords for 2010. Unfortunately, world conflicts and disasters tend to feature during Tiger years also, so it won’t be a dull 12 months for anyone. The Year of the Tiger will bring far reaching changes for everyone. New inventions and incredible technological advances have a good chance of occurring. For all of the Chinese horoscope signs, this year is one to be active – seizing opportunities and making the most of our personal and very individual talents. Everything happens quickly and dramatically in a Tiger year – blink and you could miss an important chance of a lifetime!

Here's hoping you live up to your potential in 2010!

Be Kind, Please Rewind

Our movie store requests all DVDs be rewound before they're returned.  This post writes itself.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Stranger than Chinglish Fiction

I have a feeling you aren't going to believe me when I write this because it's just so frickin unreal but (drumroll, please)....

Chewbacca is a woman!!!!!!!!

Just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder on that front, some of Vin's Morgan Stanley colleagues inform me at a drinks outing that Chewbacca has lady bits.  His one colleague said he's thought about calling her up and just making the infamous Chewbacca guttural noise.  Would she even get it??

I am struggling with reality right now.

I MUST meet her.