Today on the ferry I heard the following: a woman in front of my burp; a man behind me burp and someone a few rows back clipping their toenails. Neither burp was a subdued, mouth-closed affair. They were both wide-open loud burps that most civilized people save for the privacy of their home. While I didn't check, I really pray that the toe nail clipper discarded said nails in the rubbish bin (it's not trash can here).
Sadly dirty looks don't work on these people since they don't think they're doing anything wrong.
I left the ride feeling very skeeved out.
That's all I care to say on this subject.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
What they Call "Television"
With seven months under my belt I feel ready to give you my take on television here. It ain't pretty so settle in for a good read.
Commercials -- missing something I used to hate
There are no product commercials. None. While you think this would be a good thing -- who wouldn't give their right arm to not hear Billy Mays screaming about OxyClean?! -- it's actually quite tiring. Why, you ask? Because the channels play the same promos for their own shows during each commercial break. So during an hour-long show, you will watch the same promo for "Top Chef" five times. Vin and I can actually quote all the promos on the channels we watch. (This freaked Sal out when he stayed with us.) The only upside is that some shows don't take as many commercial breaks so the show will fade out to a commercial break and then come right back with the continuation of the show. This is especially funny on shows like Project Runway when Heidi says, "one of you will be the winner and one of you will be out" back to back.
Things seem to be changing, though. We've started seeing tourism ads (with tag lines like "Malaysia Truly Asia" and "Incredible India") on some of the channels and the Discovery Channels have started running product commercials for a camera (I forget which one!)
The Birardis' TV Guide
What shows do we watch?
Discovery (I think there are like 10 channels in all!) -- Jon and Kate Plus Eight, Take Home Chef, Project Runway, A Baby Story, Little People Big World, Jamie's Kitchen (Jamie Oliver is HUGE here)
Biography -- Lisa Williams, I Survived, Rescue Mediums, Sell This House, Flip This House and Biographies on all the big stars
Sony Entertainment Television -- Top Chef, Top Design, America's Next Top Model, Grey's Anatomy
Crime & Investigation Network -- The First 48, Medical Detectives, Cold Case Files, 48 Hours Mystery, Watching the Detectives
Star World -- 30 Rock, Friday Night Lights, Desperate Housewives (I don't watch this, but thought I should include it), Ellen DeGeneres Show, Two and a Half Men (another one I don't watch)
E! -- standard E! fare
News Channels -- 2 CNN channels, Fox News (it's on all the time; we just can't get enough of all the old crusty white guys -- HA!), Bloomberg, CNBC, BBC, etc.
Sports -- we have 15 channels
Sports you've never heard of
Speaking of sports, it's a wacky universe over here, one that a big sports nut like my husband has had to adjust to. First, there are like 8 channels dedicated to soccer, er I mean football -- British Premier League, Italian Serie A, all the Asian teams. If you miss a live game (because they're played here at like 2am), don't fret -- they will replay the game 110 times over the next year. The same goes for American sports. During the NFL play-offs in January we were so excited they showed the games over here. We're less excited 6 months later to find the same games on -- how many times can you watch the Eagles beat the Giants in the first round of the play-offs?!
On the other hand, it has been a HUGE comfort to be able to turn on live Yankees games on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Instead of beer and a hotdog, we watch Jeter and company over coffee and cereal. I hear this is what it's like for folks on the west coast. The best part is that we get YES coverage -- I never knew Michael Kay and Ken Singleton brought me so much happiness! I do feel bad for any Mets or Red Sox fans, though, as they ONLY play Yankees games. Well, I guess I don't feel that bad.
Coming from the land of basketball/football/baseball, it's been odd to turn on the TV and find professional ping pong and badminton competitions. I kid you not. There's also a lot of rugby and car racing, neither of which I find interesting at all.
Stuck in 2006
When I first arrived I was psyched to be able to catch Top Chef, a show I had always wanted to watch in the States but never got around to TiVoing. It felt like Christmas when I realized that they were showing the episodes not once a week, but once a day! This meant that I could watch an entire season in like 2 or 3 weeks (as long as I was home the same time each day, which, well, no surprise that with my new "career" I was!) When that first season ended, I couldn't wait for the next season to start. Except that it didn't start; they just played the same season over and over for like 5 months. I also later found out that this was only like the second season, whereas they were on like the fifth season in the States.
This is standard for most of the reality shows -- those on TV now are shows I have already seen in NYC like 2 years ago. For example, they just aired the Jon and Kate Plus Eight episode where they renew their vows in Hawaii. Um yeah. The only show that is shown live and current here is American Idol -- and people watch it just as religiously over here.
Censorship
This one really pisses me off -- they censor movies and shows on HBO! We get like 5 or 6 different HBO channels and not one of them will show nudity or curse words. Most baffling is that one channel is called like the adult HBO and requires you to unlock it each time you want to get on there...only to find that everything is still censored. Try watching Entourage or The Sopranos censored. It sucks. In fact, we very rarely watch these channels because the censorship is too distracting.
On a completely different censorship tip, the E! channel gets positively butchered. For some reason, the powers that be have decided to bleep out any mentions of restaurants, fashion labels, stores and products from all E! shows. So here's how a typical E! News segment goes -- "Brad and Angelina were spotted eating dinner at BLEEP" or "You can find Cameron Diaz's hot jeans at BLEEP." I have NO IDEA why they do this but it's a pain in the ass for us viewers.
I'm starting to forget what normal TV is like. Rediscovering TV is officially on the "Reasons I can't wait to go back to the States" list. Is that bad?
Commercials -- missing something I used to hate
There are no product commercials. None. While you think this would be a good thing -- who wouldn't give their right arm to not hear Billy Mays screaming about OxyClean?! -- it's actually quite tiring. Why, you ask? Because the channels play the same promos for their own shows during each commercial break. So during an hour-long show, you will watch the same promo for "Top Chef" five times. Vin and I can actually quote all the promos on the channels we watch. (This freaked Sal out when he stayed with us.) The only upside is that some shows don't take as many commercial breaks so the show will fade out to a commercial break and then come right back with the continuation of the show. This is especially funny on shows like Project Runway when Heidi says, "one of you will be the winner and one of you will be out" back to back.
Things seem to be changing, though. We've started seeing tourism ads (with tag lines like "Malaysia Truly Asia" and "Incredible India") on some of the channels and the Discovery Channels have started running product commercials for a camera (I forget which one!)
The Birardis' TV Guide
What shows do we watch?
Discovery (I think there are like 10 channels in all!) -- Jon and Kate Plus Eight, Take Home Chef, Project Runway, A Baby Story, Little People Big World, Jamie's Kitchen (Jamie Oliver is HUGE here)
Biography -- Lisa Williams, I Survived, Rescue Mediums, Sell This House, Flip This House and Biographies on all the big stars
Sony Entertainment Television -- Top Chef, Top Design, America's Next Top Model, Grey's Anatomy
Crime & Investigation Network -- The First 48, Medical Detectives, Cold Case Files, 48 Hours Mystery, Watching the Detectives
Star World -- 30 Rock, Friday Night Lights, Desperate Housewives (I don't watch this, but thought I should include it), Ellen DeGeneres Show, Two and a Half Men (another one I don't watch)
E! -- standard E! fare
News Channels -- 2 CNN channels, Fox News (it's on all the time; we just can't get enough of all the old crusty white guys -- HA!), Bloomberg, CNBC, BBC, etc.
Sports -- we have 15 channels
Sports you've never heard of
Speaking of sports, it's a wacky universe over here, one that a big sports nut like my husband has had to adjust to. First, there are like 8 channels dedicated to soccer, er I mean football -- British Premier League, Italian Serie A, all the Asian teams. If you miss a live game (because they're played here at like 2am), don't fret -- they will replay the game 110 times over the next year. The same goes for American sports. During the NFL play-offs in January we were so excited they showed the games over here. We're less excited 6 months later to find the same games on -- how many times can you watch the Eagles beat the Giants in the first round of the play-offs?!
On the other hand, it has been a HUGE comfort to be able to turn on live Yankees games on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Instead of beer and a hotdog, we watch Jeter and company over coffee and cereal. I hear this is what it's like for folks on the west coast. The best part is that we get YES coverage -- I never knew Michael Kay and Ken Singleton brought me so much happiness! I do feel bad for any Mets or Red Sox fans, though, as they ONLY play Yankees games. Well, I guess I don't feel that bad.
Coming from the land of basketball/football/baseball, it's been odd to turn on the TV and find professional ping pong and badminton competitions. I kid you not. There's also a lot of rugby and car racing, neither of which I find interesting at all.
Stuck in 2006
When I first arrived I was psyched to be able to catch Top Chef, a show I had always wanted to watch in the States but never got around to TiVoing. It felt like Christmas when I realized that they were showing the episodes not once a week, but once a day! This meant that I could watch an entire season in like 2 or 3 weeks (as long as I was home the same time each day, which, well, no surprise that with my new "career" I was!) When that first season ended, I couldn't wait for the next season to start. Except that it didn't start; they just played the same season over and over for like 5 months. I also later found out that this was only like the second season, whereas they were on like the fifth season in the States.
This is standard for most of the reality shows -- those on TV now are shows I have already seen in NYC like 2 years ago. For example, they just aired the Jon and Kate Plus Eight episode where they renew their vows in Hawaii. Um yeah. The only show that is shown live and current here is American Idol -- and people watch it just as religiously over here.
Censorship
This one really pisses me off -- they censor movies and shows on HBO! We get like 5 or 6 different HBO channels and not one of them will show nudity or curse words. Most baffling is that one channel is called like the adult HBO and requires you to unlock it each time you want to get on there...only to find that everything is still censored. Try watching Entourage or The Sopranos censored. It sucks. In fact, we very rarely watch these channels because the censorship is too distracting.
On a completely different censorship tip, the E! channel gets positively butchered. For some reason, the powers that be have decided to bleep out any mentions of restaurants, fashion labels, stores and products from all E! shows. So here's how a typical E! News segment goes -- "Brad and Angelina were spotted eating dinner at BLEEP" or "You can find Cameron Diaz's hot jeans at BLEEP." I have NO IDEA why they do this but it's a pain in the ass for us viewers.
I'm starting to forget what normal TV is like. Rediscovering TV is officially on the "Reasons I can't wait to go back to the States" list. Is that bad?
Does this mean I'm adjusting?
I always used to make fun of the Asian tourists in NYC who walked around in sunny weather with their big ole umbrellas out. It seemed positively ludicrous to a sun worshiper like me to shield yourself from the sun, especially when you're just walking around the city. How much sun do you really get walking in and out of buildings anyway?! It's not like they're trekking across the Sahara.
Then I moved to Hong Kong, the land of 100 degree temperatures and 100% humidity. Suddenly those umbrellas (which are tenfold here) seem ingeneous. It's that hot here, folks. You walk outside and without walking a foot instantly start sweating.
Now I've taken my first step towards umbrellas in sunshine -- I walk exclusively in the shade. I will cross the sidewalk and street, adding extra time onto my trip, if it means staying in the shade. Because at the end of the day, more shade = less sweat = less showers = less washing of clothes = happy Jess.
It could be worse. I was on the ferry this week and saw a middle-aged, normal looking Asian man dressed in a business suit whip out an enormous, gold, RuPaul-worthy fan and start fanning himself. I guess he's anti-umbrella like me.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Cobras and Pythons
I wish I was referring to the latest Manolos or a trendy shot that you can get in a bar. Alas, I am not.
In my exercise class this morning I learned that cobras and pythons are indigenous to DB -- as common as rats and pigeons in NYC. Almost everyone in class had their own snake story.
One woman awoke to a crash in the middle of the night. An 8-foot python had fallen through the ceiling of her helper's bathroom. Poor helper! Apparently all was ok, she said. The python wasn't hungry so he didn't attack anyone. Coincidentally, her neighbor's cat had gone missing the day before.
Same woman said you see cobras all curled up all the time when you go hiking, something I've done on a weekly basis since moving here. Lovely.
Another woman heard about a Huskie that had gotten attacked by a large python. How could a snake take on something so large, you ask? Well, he just coiled his body around the Huskie and squeezed the life out of him. She didn't say if the snake actually ate the dog or not.
So now in addition to an epileptic seizure and heat stroke, I have to worry about Victor getting eaten by a python.
Dragon Boating
Dragon Boating is a huge sport here. It's so popular they've dedicated an entire public holiday to it.
Let's start with the basics. What is a dragon boat and what is dragon boat racing? Dragon boating is a sprint race involving large 22-person boats (canoes on crack, really) in the water. The second photo was taken from our bedroom window and is an actual race.
While Stanley is the main dragon boating hub, Discovery Bay was one of only a few other HK spots that held races. In true DB form, the town got decked out in Dragon Boat fever. Here's a view of the D Deck (where lots of our restaurants are) with the beach (starting line) in the background.
Here's the beach where each team had their own tent:
In the heart of the plaza were booths selling everything from ice cream to oriental rugs and a huge stage, where I'm guessing they presented the winners with trophies. New Balance saw a good marketing opportunity and asked some employees to hand out fliers. Anyone else thinking Halloween 2009?!
The beauty of dragon boating is that people of all ages, sizes and skill levels can participate. Usually, dragon boaters break down into 2 groups -- serious competitors and people who want to do something funny when they're wasted. We have friends who are serious competitors and who trained for a good 6 weeks leading up to the day (they came in 2nd overall!) Then there are these people, whose boats I'd rather be on any day!
We had a great first Dragon Boating holiday -- spent the day at Zak's with friends, drinking beer, eating calamari and enjoying the decent weather. Unfortunately things didn't stay that way. We came home to find Victor a little out of sorts and after taking him to the vet, on our way back home he proceeded to have cluster seizures. Vin and I literally thought he was dying. It was awful. After spending the night in the animal emergency room on HK Island, Victor was diagnosed with epilepsy. The good news is that it's a livable condition; the bad news (or good news for Victor) is that we'll have to give him valium up the pooper shooter during his next seizure to keep things under control. Now THAT should be a good time.
Here's a picture of our epileptic pug the when he got home from the hospital.
Let's start with the basics. What is a dragon boat and what is dragon boat racing? Dragon boating is a sprint race involving large 22-person boats (canoes on crack, really) in the water. The second photo was taken from our bedroom window and is an actual race.
While Stanley is the main dragon boating hub, Discovery Bay was one of only a few other HK spots that held races. In true DB form, the town got decked out in Dragon Boat fever. Here's a view of the D Deck (where lots of our restaurants are) with the beach (starting line) in the background.
Here's the beach where each team had their own tent:
In the heart of the plaza were booths selling everything from ice cream to oriental rugs and a huge stage, where I'm guessing they presented the winners with trophies. New Balance saw a good marketing opportunity and asked some employees to hand out fliers. Anyone else thinking Halloween 2009?!
The beauty of dragon boating is that people of all ages, sizes and skill levels can participate. Usually, dragon boaters break down into 2 groups -- serious competitors and people who want to do something funny when they're wasted. We have friends who are serious competitors and who trained for a good 6 weeks leading up to the day (they came in 2nd overall!) Then there are these people, whose boats I'd rather be on any day!
We had a great first Dragon Boating holiday -- spent the day at Zak's with friends, drinking beer, eating calamari and enjoying the decent weather. Unfortunately things didn't stay that way. We came home to find Victor a little out of sorts and after taking him to the vet, on our way back home he proceeded to have cluster seizures. Vin and I literally thought he was dying. It was awful. After spending the night in the animal emergency room on HK Island, Victor was diagnosed with epilepsy. The good news is that it's a livable condition; the bad news (or good news for Victor) is that we'll have to give him valium up the pooper shooter during his next seizure to keep things under control. Now THAT should be a good time.
Here's a picture of our epileptic pug the when he got home from the hospital.
Huh?
Let me start out by saying that I recognize the hypocrisy of someone who speaks only one language bagging on someone else's second or third or fourth language. And this post isn't about making fun of the English I've heard, but rather showing how when our language is taken literally it can be quite funny.
Case #1
I'm sitting in my doctor's office - -the same doctor I see pretty much weekly -- and on this day have decided to put an effort into my appearance. Now, I'm not saying my hair's blown out or I'm wearing a cocktail dress, but I've chosen to leave the jeans behind and am actually wearing mascara and lipgloss! In fact, I'm wearing one of my signature summer dresses, some nice high wedges and sure there may be a hint of cleavage, but I promise you nothing salacious. The nurse opens the door to let me into the doctor's office and, in front of the entire waiting room, says, "Ooooh, very sexy" and makes a hand gesture about my body. Suddenly I found myself wanting to throw on a sweatshirt and scrub off my blush. The last thing you want people to think is that you're getting sexed up for your doctor's appointment. No scratch that, the last thing you want is for your doctor to think you dress like a whore. So I scurried into his office and tried to not make eye contact with anyone in the waiting room when I came back out. This same thing happened again the next time I dressed up well over a month later (this time I was having lunch with a friend). She opens the door to the waiting room and says, "Ooooh, sexy today." OK, I decided, this lady is nuts.
Then yesterday I was off to an orientation for some volunteering work (the pinacle activity of any self-respecting housewife!) and decided to dress up. Again, very demure dress with NO cleavage and a hemline that reached my knee, but with heels and makeup. A woman with a dog (who I guess I've spoken to when I've been walking Victor) walks by and says, "Where are you going? You look so sexy." It dawned on me that Chinese women with excellent English vocabularies use the term "sexy" in place of "nice". They don't mean you look like you want sex; they just mean, 'hey you chose to dress up today."
If you're not surprised by this story, just take a moment to envision your nurse or a neighbor or a grocery clerk telling you you look "sexy". Um yeah.
Case #2
Our vet set us up with a very nice Italian woman named Fiorenza who had recently gotten a pug puppy named Pepe. She was going back to Italy for the summer and needed someone to watch Pepe while she was gone. Everyone in HK leaves for the summer, so while it doesn't make her Pet Owner of the Year to leave her new puppy behind for 3 months, it's also not all that unusual here. One day over lunch Vin asks Fiorenza how Pepe was doing after having been neutered the previous week. She replied, "He still gets sexually aroused; in fact just yesterday he had an erection." Vin nearly spit out his lunch.
Case #1
I'm sitting in my doctor's office - -the same doctor I see pretty much weekly -- and on this day have decided to put an effort into my appearance. Now, I'm not saying my hair's blown out or I'm wearing a cocktail dress, but I've chosen to leave the jeans behind and am actually wearing mascara and lipgloss! In fact, I'm wearing one of my signature summer dresses, some nice high wedges and sure there may be a hint of cleavage, but I promise you nothing salacious. The nurse opens the door to let me into the doctor's office and, in front of the entire waiting room, says, "Ooooh, very sexy" and makes a hand gesture about my body. Suddenly I found myself wanting to throw on a sweatshirt and scrub off my blush. The last thing you want people to think is that you're getting sexed up for your doctor's appointment. No scratch that, the last thing you want is for your doctor to think you dress like a whore. So I scurried into his office and tried to not make eye contact with anyone in the waiting room when I came back out. This same thing happened again the next time I dressed up well over a month later (this time I was having lunch with a friend). She opens the door to the waiting room and says, "Ooooh, sexy today." OK, I decided, this lady is nuts.
Then yesterday I was off to an orientation for some volunteering work (the pinacle activity of any self-respecting housewife!) and decided to dress up. Again, very demure dress with NO cleavage and a hemline that reached my knee, but with heels and makeup. A woman with a dog (who I guess I've spoken to when I've been walking Victor) walks by and says, "Where are you going? You look so sexy." It dawned on me that Chinese women with excellent English vocabularies use the term "sexy" in place of "nice". They don't mean you look like you want sex; they just mean, 'hey you chose to dress up today."
If you're not surprised by this story, just take a moment to envision your nurse or a neighbor or a grocery clerk telling you you look "sexy". Um yeah.
Case #2
Our vet set us up with a very nice Italian woman named Fiorenza who had recently gotten a pug puppy named Pepe. She was going back to Italy for the summer and needed someone to watch Pepe while she was gone. Everyone in HK leaves for the summer, so while it doesn't make her Pet Owner of the Year to leave her new puppy behind for 3 months, it's also not all that unusual here. One day over lunch Vin asks Fiorenza how Pepe was doing after having been neutered the previous week. She replied, "He still gets sexually aroused; in fact just yesterday he had an erection." Vin nearly spit out his lunch.
This is Pepe (sans erection) with Victor in the background.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I suck
If there are still people reading this blog, I feel compelled to apologize for my silence. I can't decide if it's because I'm actually living life instead of observing it...or if I've been just plain lazy. Whatever the reason, it's been awhile since I've blogged and I'm here to repent.
The good news is that the dry spell is over. (I still retain the right to have another dry spell after this mini burst of words!) The next few blog entries are just random observations and not novel-like accounts of a trip or anything. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy them as they capture everyday life in HK.
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