More T-shirt Chinglish

Spotted another beauty while walking in Central and - bonus points - this one includes Michigan!  Let's hope it's a slam on their football program.

 

And drum roll please, the tshirt says:

Motive Under Ground Janus

Rouces Run Bright

Supercrime

Exhausted

Michigan

Nursing

At a dinner party last night with lots of girls - Aussies, Brits, Dutchies, etc. - and heard the funniest story from an Aussie mom.

She was part of an expat baby group in Tokyo. When one mom arrived with her newborn, the group started ooh-ing and aah-ing over the little one. My friend said, "Oh he's so cute; can I nurse him?"

To which all the moms in the group gasped and clutched their children.  My friend was very confused until one of the girls asked, 'What do you mean 'nurse'?"  Turns out in Australia, nursing means cuddling or holding.  Of course these ladies thought she was about to whip out her boob and start feeding all their babies.

Now my friend says she cringes when her own mother says, "Oh I can't wait to nurse my grandson!"

Imparting my Expat Wisdom

For any Americans out there getting ready to embark on the expat adventure, I have one piece of advice for you:

Get a Slingbox and hook it up to your parents', sister's, brother's, neighbor's, friend's cable box.

Oh you thought I might say, learn the language or study the culture or join as many community groups as possible.  Nope, get yourself some decent television because chances are the TV where you're going sucks.

Community Caring Counter

There are 4 counters at our local HSBC branch -

Premier - people who pay a little extra each month so they can jump the line

Normal (unmarked, btw)- everyday people who have to wait in line (like moi)

Corporate - where cashiers from the local Subway and 7-11 deposit their daily earnings

And then there's the Community Caring Counter -

I have NO IDEA what it means or who's supposed to stand in this line.  People in the community who care?  People in the community who HSBC cares about?  Care Bears??

Expat Hedonism

All my swinging posts have come from a very lighthearted, "can you believe this stuff *really* goes on?" place.  With each new story that comes to light, however, I'm starting to feel like I live in the expat offshoot of Hedonism.

I know a 25-year old woman - a gorgeous, down-to-earth, has a good job and head on her shoulders, 25 year-old woman.  She has a serious live-in boyfriend; they've been together for a looong time.  One day she finds out that her boyfriend is cheating on her...with a friend of theirs...a 41-year old...mother of three...who's married....and also lives in their building. The two couples have been friends for quite some time.  Now, the wife has left her husband and is parading around town with my friend's ex-bf.

WTF?!? Have I left the universe of normalcy?  When did 25-year olds leave their hot girlfriends for married mothers in their 40s?  When did couples who are friends swap partners?  What sounds like the plot of a bad porno is going down in my town every night.  When did this all become ok??

The thing is - I have a lot of friends.  And when I look back at my other groups of friends (high school, college, NYC, etc.) I can't find one who is involved in swinging.  It's not all peachy-keen, trust me. Some have gotten divorced, others have hit rough patches and been in therapy, but none have been involved in rampant cheating....with friends or neighbors.  Not a ONE.  And of all the crazy, booze-filled parties I've been to, not one has ended with Husband #1 leaving with Wife #2.  Not a ONE.

So what is in the water here in Discovery Bay?  Why do so many people cheat, swing and/or hang out at the bars begging for someone other than their spouse to fluff their muffin?

Until I find out, we'll be sticking to bottled water in this household.

And I Thought Fingernail Clipping Was Bad...

Experienced a new low on the ferry over the weekend.  Was sitting in my seat minding my own business when I hear someone behind me fart.  Turn around to find a Chinese woman wafting her crotch area with a fan...in my direction.  I guess she thought it was a good idea to fan her fart. 

And her husband sat right next to her the entire time.  That's love and devotion - or a seriously sick fetish.

You can't make this stuff up.

PS - Why is this blog suddenly dominated by flatulence stories??!

T-Shirt Chinglish

Happened to have my phone handy so was able to capture this classic example of t-shirt Chinglish:

 

For those visually-impaired, it reads:

I can not to for a call for you even if I call me many times