Fun with Food

Two food-related items for you...

1. My husband spotted this gem:

I'm 99% sure they were going for "chicken nuggets," but let's be honest - "chicken nagged" is so much better.

2. And we both came across this at the Western-oriented grocery store in our town:

Because nothing quenches your thirst quite like...vinegar!  And I love the tag line - "Not only do they taste good, but they are good for you packed with lots of nutrition."  Who's "they"??

TMI

Language differences and cultural differences are two, well, different things.  When someone doesn't hold the door for you, it's cultural.  When someone calls you and launches immediately into Cantonese even though you're screaming "No Cantonese.  English only," it's language.  A perfect shining example presented itself to me the other day...

There's a very fun couple in our neighborhood who we really like.  She's Malaysian, but speaks perfect English and is completely hip on what's happening in Western culture.  She could be any of my American friends except when things like this happen:

Me: How are you?
Her: Not feeling good.
Me: Oh no, what's wrong?
Her: I have very bad stomach pains with a lot of gas building up inside me.  (There were hand motions to indicate where the gas build-up was happening.)

This is more my style:

Me: How are you?
Her: Not feeling too hot.
Me: Oh no, what's wrong?
Her: Nothing crazy, just some tummy issues.
OR
Her: Minor stomach ache.

My initial reaction was to be embarrassed by what was being shared.  Then I realized she wasn't embarrassed to tell me, so why should I be embarrassed to hear it?  I feel like this is the message behind that popular children's book "Everybody Poops".

Kardashian World Domination Continues...

I have a real love/hate relationship with the Kardashian klan.  And it starts with the ridiculousness of their names all starting with a K.

Before moving to HK where TV is, excuse the repetition, ridiculous, I NEVER watched the Kardashians.  Never.  Didn't even think about it, ponder whether I should, allow my finger to hover over the "Channel Up" button while Kim appeared on screen, nothing.  In fact, I outwardly lamented to anyone who would listen that the world was coming to an end when people like Kim's ass and its familial relations were given airtime.  I had similar rants about Paris Hilton and The Hills cast.

Then I moved to HK and it rocketed to the top of my viewing list.  How can Courtney (I refuse to give into the K nonsense) stay with that douchebag?  Why doesn't anyone listen to Chloe, who seems to be the most level-headed in the bunch?  Is Rob a person or a prop and how did he escape the whole K name thing?  These became my inner thoughts which eventually turned into uttered complaints to my husband who just looked at me with pity.

I willed myself not to get hooked on the latest iteration of Kardashian insanity - I will NOT watch Khloe and Kourtney Take Miami.  I refuse to give into the fakeness that will be Khloe & Lamar.  Then I started to panic when I missed an episode.

Now I assumed that this was my own dirty little secret.  I am a woman, I used to work in the entertainment industry and I probably watch 40% more television than the average person.  Seems like the right ingredients for a Kardashian fan, no?  I'm sure none of our international expat friends watch this crap.

Cut to a fancy French steakhouse where I'm at a work dinner with my husband.  Surrounded by Morgan Stanley folks, I'm seated next to a proper Scottish man and the convo somehow turns to TV.  Turns out he also keeps up with the Kardashians and hates himself for it  - I used to just casually watch the show - a snippet here, a snippet there.  Now I find myself forming opinions on these people.  I knew something was wrong when I started saying things like, "That Lamar seems like a sensible chap."  I feel his pain.

On one hand, I'm happy to know that I'm not alone.  On the other hand, I am absolutely disgusted that Kris Jenner's master plan is working and Scottish men living in Hong Kong think she's a total bitch for making Bruce sleep in the garage.

M.I.A. in N.Y.C.

Hi all--

I have to apologize for going MIA on you once again.  Like most expat families in Hong Kong, we headed back to the homeland for four weeks.  I made plans for our apartment, our dog and our mail, but didn't give you folks any kind of heads up. Sometimes I forget that it's not just me, my best friend and a random Bangladeshi reading this blog.

Being home was delicious.  There's nothing like it.  While I maintain that New York City is still the greatest place on earth, I must also be honest.  This is what greeted me in SoHo:

This picture doesn't do justice to how ample the bum buttcrack on the corner of Houston and Broadway really was.  While snapping this picture, I took a moment to think about the people who are begging on the streets of Hong Kong.  Night and day, my friends.  Night and day.

I also spotted the NYC version of helpers in Union Square one day:

I hate to diss my own helpers (and Lyn if you're reading this, obviously I'm not talking about you, so please don't spit in my OJ!), but their NYC counterparts are killing them in the style department.  This last shot could've been pulled out of Vogue.

Anyway, I'm back to observing, ranting and musing on life here in Hong Kong and promise not to pull the shady Irish getaway on you again.

Best Part of a Brunch

Yeah, the coffee's good and who can complain about an omelet with lots of cheese, but the real good stuff at a brunch is the conversation.  I know, I know - I can hear the "duh" coming through the computer.  Here are two conversation nuggets I got in today's brunch:

1. My friend who's a flight attendant works with a male flight attendant who's name used to be Noel (pronounced like the Christmas word; not like a man's name) Lopez.  He legally changed his name to Noel Sugarplum Fruitcake.  Seriously.  Next time you're flying United and someone with a "Fruitcake" name tag serves you, it's not a joke.  (Oh and he's American, so I can't even blame this one on some language issue.)

2. Another friend of mine saw an old Chinese lady standing outside of our grocery store wearing a t-shirt that read: "I am very shy, but I have a big dick."  Now *this* one I can blame on the language issue.

Paging Captain Obvious

To get to the swimming pool at our country club, you have to walk through the changing room and then this mini pool area, for lack of a better term.  I believe the thinking goes that by walking through this you are decontaminating your shoes before you hit the pool deck.  Because an outdoor pool deck filled with hundreds of people and kids is germ-free...

Hopefully the humor in placing a "Caution - Wet Floor" sign inside this pool is as obvious to you as it was to me.

Oh and the decontamination logic doesn't stop there!  The doorway-like space between the changing room and the decontamination pool area -- a doorway you HAVE TO walk through, has water coming down from the ceiling - as if you're in the shower.  Again, I think this piss-poor attempt at getting people "clean" before they get to the pool deck is laughable  Why? Because everyone hugs the wall when they walk through so that the shower water raining down from the ceiling doesn't get you wet.  You can't see the shower water in this pic - it's coming out of the white tube on the ceiling over the doorway.  The helper in the black shirt is likely getting wet in this picture.

Hong Kong logic at its best.

Does Ronald Know About This??

Walk into McDonald's and order a vanilla milkshake - apparently for the first time in the 2.5 years I've live here.  Here's how that went down:

Worker: Can I help you?
Me: Yes, one vanilla milkshake please
Worker: Chocolate or strawberry?
Me: Er, um, vanilla.
Worker: We don't sell vanilla; just chocolate or strawberry.
Me - sighing dramatically, closing up my wallet and walking out the door.

Can this possibly be true?  McDs doesn't sell vanilla milkshakes?  Isn't there a reason why they're vanilla, a.k.a. the most generic, popular flavor on the planet?! Is it maybe because nothing in Hong Kong makes sense??

Honestly, it's times like these I struggle with reality.  I look around and think, "Really?  This is really the freakin universe I live in?